In a bid to break into the anxiety drink market, PepsiCo has produced its own mutant energy booster called Kickstart. Brand appeal targets thirsty consumers between 18 and 24 who ache for the Dew’s diabetic smoothness but with stronger tremors.
For the record, if our jetliner takes a slalom ride across a snow-capped mountain top in the Andes, you have my solemn promise that I will wait till you turn into a Popsicle before I start slicing off fat fillets of your personal protein.
Unwilling to ignore the cogent ministrations of divine wisdom, I ordered my iced mocha fully charged with 6 shots from blood of the bean, savagely drained from countless tortured fruits, stripped from their mother tree and roasted to death for the sake of my salacious moment of pleasure. Exploitation never tasted so good.