Tag Archive | Caffeine
Manly apes never needed caffeine to bring home the bacon, while modern humans sit at desks, harnessing synthetic “fight or flight” to overpower email and rush reports.
In a bid to break into the anxiety drink market, PepsiCo has produced its own mutant energy booster called Kickstart. Brand appeal targets thirsty consumers between 18 and 24 who ache for the Dew’s diabetic smoothness but with stronger tremors.
Unwilling to ignore the cogent ministrations of divine wisdom, I ordered my iced mocha fully charged with 6 shots from blood of the bean, savagely drained from countless tortured fruits, stripped from their mother tree and roasted to death for the sake of my salacious moment of pleasure. Exploitation never tasted so good.