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Dog Water: Fabulous New Fragrance

An exciting new perfume renders men helpless to resist its animal allure! Test subjects routinely report that when exposed to this powerful pheromone signal, post-adolescent males immediately become agitated, speak in high pitched tones, display tactile behaviors such as stroking the hair, frequent hugging and kissing, and even demand to be slobbered on while compulsively offering gifts, especially edible treats.

Women manifest greater tolerance to varietal bouquets extracted from pure breeds, but invariably confirm stronger reactions and better performance among men exposed to the more potent essence extracted from mongrels and mixed pedigrees.

Hoping to attract environmentally conscious patrons, marketing strategy will emphasize corporate sponsorships of various Animal Control Programs devoted to the capture and redeployment of unwanted domestic pets and strays.  Following successful completion of clinical trials, this amazing fragrance enters the branding phase and will soon hit the shelves of upscale boutiques everywhere.

Even though projected retail price may exceed an astronomical $5,000.00 per container, distributors already predict consumer demand will outstrip available stock almost immediately. The manufacturer has hired the prestigious Madison Avenue advertising firm, Sterling Cooper, who will sponsor a naming contest for this exclusive aroma. I can’t wait for the sweepstakes to begin and expect to clinch the contest with one these submissions: Puppy Love, Dog Water, or Canis Major.

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