You Can’t Keep a Good Zombie Down

Swing away, Tallahassee!

Zombies currently enjoy a huge resurgence in popular culture, regularly feasting upon the warm-blooded in comedic hits like “Zombieland.”  They hobble about TV series such as “The Walking Dead,” and munch their way through popular literature on the pages of  chart busters like “Pride and Prejudice and Zombies,” and “The Zombie Survival Guide: Complete Protection from the Living Dead.”

Zombies shamble across our cultural zeitgeist in direct correlation with prolonged financial austerity, especially as impending apocalypse grows more probable while jobs remain scarce and EBT cards become their own currency.

By no coincidence, zombie movies enjoyed a golden era during the gas crunch and economic impotence of the 70′s, with “Dawn of the Dead” emerging as the archetype of the genre.

Following Harold Camping‘s failed attempts to predict the end of humanity, we now look to the Mayan’s who have generously corrected our dearth of doom by indicating that the fit hits the shan come December, 2012.  I hope our next apocalypse includes zombies. Call me a romantic, but I’m ready to test my resourcefulness, will to survive, and frosty determination to bust skulls while protecting my own.

Zombies - Get Some!

I’m seriously down for the kind of clarity inspired by a life insurance policy underwritten by Smith & Wesson‘s Model 19 combat frame revolver packed with high caliber hollow points.

Of course, for serious walking dead crowd control, I’d reach into the bullpen for Glock‘s model 18 semi-auto law enforcement model with a 17 round clip chock full o’ Federal Hydra Shock 147-grain JHP ammo.

Even the sassy sprinters from “28 Days Later” would think twice about taking another step once one of these hollow-nosed eye-openers burrows a trough their rotting gray matter.

Debate rages on with regard to shotguns as your friendly solution to close encounters since opponents weigh in against the weapon’s limitations regarding meager ammo storage capacity along with prohibitive ammo size and weight.

Congrats, you're invited to dinner.

Still, who wouldn’t feel more comfortable with a Remington 870 as a zombie-killing sidekick? A little buckshot goes a long way at short range. Yes, I admit, I’m being a tad controversial, but the post-apocalyptic Jay ain’t gonna shy away from bold moves.

Anyways, about a year from now you just might find yourself  dodging meat sacks in the parking lot of the Westfield Parkway Mall. Running  for your life truly sucks, particularly if you’re stuck inside El Cajon, CA.

Well, be of good cheer, intrepid survivor! If you spot some damn fool staring down from the rooftop of  Macy’s Department Store, your screams just found an attentive audience. Better weave through the corpses while heading in my direction.

I got your back and a clean bead on the walkers. Come on up and I’ll share my Bourbon and jerky. We can trade tips on our favorite sniper rifles and discuss the merits of Molotov cocktails over dynamite. Oh, and leave your boyfriend downstairs, please. You know, I think I’m going to dig the new rules.